Clinic 12-27-11

There was a little trepidation going to Jacob’s clinic visit two days after Christmas. I sort of thought it would squash all of our Christmas fun. Last time there was nausea and mouth sores and since the doses would be increased this time, I was sure we’d be facing more of that.

We packed in a lot of partying during the weekend and prepped for the rest of week recovering from chemo. Happily, that turned out not to be the case.

We went to Jacob’s appointment Tuesday afternoon. His counts were good and he was ready for more chemo: methotrexate and vincristine. He had his infusion, played angry birds and then we headed home. Well, to Grandma’s house actually, with the intent to head straight home. I thought he’d be feeling sick and we should probably just get going back home. And while he did feel a little yucky, after resting on the couch for a while he slowly slid to the floor and scooted over to sit by his cousins. I was so pleased. We stayed hours longer as he played happily with his cousins. And we came back the next day and the next! He was feeling good and playing great; it’s wonderful to see.

He did get a few mouth sores in his throat, but they didn’t stop him from eating this time. He said that they just felt “pushy” not “ouchy.” He didn’t actually say “ouchy,” he screamed—to show me what they didn’t feel like.

Christmas

Our Christmas this year had everything that Christmas should, and maybe a little more too! We had surprises and presents, traditions and family time, and—at least for me—a sweetness that seemed to come from simplifying.

It was so appropriate that Christmas this year was on a Sunday. Could we work that out every year? I really liked that. My favorite gift was being in church with my whole family. It really was! We haven’t taken Jacob to church since before he was diagnosed with leukemia; it’s just a choice we made, for germ reasons mainly (and, you know, sometimes he doesn’t feel up to it). But on Christmas day we decided to all go to church together. It was really special.

Something else that was really special was lots of time with cousins:

Look at those handsome hairless boys!

Parker and Jacob after exchanging gifts

There’s no cure for cancer yet, but cousin time sure seemed to come close! Jacob felt so good. Even after treatment on the 27th he was playing with his cousins a few hours later. It was amazing. They’re good medicine—and not just the boys—and not just the Woodward cousins, either! I don’t have pictures of everyone and everything, but it was great to spend time with all of our wonderful extended family this Christmas. Thank you all! We love you!!

Christmas Thoughts

Dear Family and Friends,

As we contemplate our experiences of the last few months we feel to say with the angels at Bethlehem, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2:14). We certainly have much to glory in about our God, not the least of which is the peace He has given us amidst hardship and the overwhelming flood of “good will” from so many kind and caring people. We thank God for people like you who have cried with us, comforted us, and encouraged us as we’ve dealt with our little family difficulty.

We are keenly aware, of course, that we are not the sole sufferers of 2011 and that every family struggles, more or less, year to year. For this reason we pray the Lord’s blessings of strength and peace to be with you and your family as you move into another year.

God bless us, everyone! With love,

~Scott, Sara, Jacob, Isaac, and Elizabeth

Christmas Card 2011

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Kick and Stroke

This is a post that has been in my head pretty much since the beginning of this whole cancer experience. I’m glad to finally have it down on paper, or, in this case, out in cyber-space. These thoughts come from an inspired recollection I had shortly after Jacob’s diagnosis:

When I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in preparation for service as a full-time LDS missionary, I heard a talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland. Now, as a side note, I’ve observed that everyone who has been to the MTC has heard at least one Elder Holland talk while there, yes? I think it’s just part of the protocol that every new missionary listen to Elder Holland speak, whether in person or satellite or recording or whatever. Am I right? Any returned missionaries out there not hear Elder Holland speak while in the MTC? I’d like to know.

Anyway, in the version of Elder Holland’s “don’t-you-dare-go-home” talk that I heard he used an analogy involving champion swimmers. He talked about an interview with an elite swimmer who was asked something like, “what does it take to win?” The athlete replied, “Kick when you don’t want to kick and stroke when you don’t want to stroke.”

The implications for a full-time missionary are fairly obvious. Don’t give up. Keep going, even when you don’t want to. And, as I recall, the phrase “Kick when you don’t want to kick and stroke when you don’t want to stroke” hung in the office of the MTC where I was in Preston, England. The phrase became something of a mission motto for me. In fact I signed every letter home with “keep kicking, love, Sara” or sometimes just the abbreviated “KK.”

Weeks ago Scott and I were talking and I suddenly remember this meaningful motto. I hadn’t thought about the phrase for years. I immediately wrote it down and stuck the paper to my lampshade, so as not to loose it in the clutter that sometimes (ahem) occupies my nightstand.

“Kick when you don’t want to kick, stroke when you don’t want to stoke.” That’s how you win swim meets. It’s also how you get through cancer treatment—it’s how I’m going to get through getting my son through it. One day, one step, one moment, one minute at a time; pushing, stroking, swimming, kicking, even when we don’t want to.

It’s easier said then done. But I’m grateful for the experience I had as a missionary and the endurance I learned there. In some ways it gives me strength now. More accurately, it helps me remember how I learned to lean on the True Strength.  As Paul so aptly put it: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Until next time, “keep kicking”!

PS, Thanks Elder Holland.

Mouth Sores

(Just a note: this post is a little out-dated, the sores are gone now—thank heavens! I just wanted to record this all anyway).

One of the chemo drugs Jacob is getting right now is called Methotrexate. One side effect (there are several) is canker-like sores in the mouth and throat—sometimes through the whole digestive track.

I first noticed them on Sunday, December 18th. It looked like Jacob had 5 or 6 cankers lining his bottom lip. The next day he said that his throat hurt and that he didn’t want to eat anything. That day, Monday, he ate a mini-orange, a bite of avocado and one bite of his dinner. That was it. Nothing else all day long. Tuesday was the same and I was getting worried about dehydration, nutrition, etc. although he was drinking a lot of milk (I think it soothed the sores).

I tried everything I could think of to get some substance in that boy. I made shakes and smoothies (much to the enjoyment of Isaac and Elizabeth). I tried to calorie-pack every bite Jacob might eat but he was not interested in anything.

Finally, out of some desperation (and the need to get out of the house) I piled everyone in the car and announced that we were going out to eat—wherever Jacob wanted. He could choose, I would drive to whatever restaurant he wanted and he could choose anything to eat for lunch. I figured if we just drove around a little bit something would sound good to him. I thought this would be an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Well, the more we drove, the worse he felt. Until finally he said in that unmistakable I’m-gonna-throw-up-voice, “Can we just go home PLEASE?” He puked as we pulled in the driveway.

As I tried to manage the situation by getting Jacob in the shower and the other two kids in the house as quickly as possible, Isaac said, “Mom, where are my chicken stars?” He had been hoping for some nugget-goodness from Carl’s Jr. I told him that he and Elizabeth could eat all the Christmas treats on the counter that the neighbors had been dropping off. Which they did with much delight while Jacob showered and I scrubbed.

I learned an important lesson that day: no matter how hard I try, there things that I cannot control or manipulate, like Jacob eating for example. For the next few days I just let Jacob sit on the couch and I didn’t try to force feed him anything. By the end of the week the sores were pretty much gone and he was eating normally again.

Naturally, I was worried that the sores would return with each subsequent chemo treatment, but by luck or a Christmas miracle that hasn’t been the case so far. Yeah and hooray!

Clinic 12-15-11 and ER Visit

Clinic visits are getting slightly easier these days; I guess we’re all just getting used to the routine and what goes on while we’re there. When we went on December 15th, Jacob did really great and seemed almost cheerful as we checked in and got his weight, height and blood pressure. He contentedly played Angry Birds nearly the entire visit (surprise, surprise). He was even playing while walking to the elevator on the way out. I had to guide him by his shoulders as he walked since he was watching the screen and not where he was going. We saw his doctor who laughingly commented, “I’m glad he’s not driving” (while playing Angry Birds).

Primary Children’s Hospital has lots of gifts donated at Christmastime and Jacob got to pick one out of a big box by the blood pressure machine. He picked the game “Cooties” and we set it up and played while he had his infusion. He also watched “King Fu Panda” and ate Oreos. It was a pretty easy visit and like I said, he was happy. It was such a relief to me, so different from some of our other visits. I think it helps that he hasn’t had to go under anesthesia these last few times. Also, I’m meeting some of the other moms and making friends with people in similar situations which is nice and even therapeutic.

Jacob holding up his new Cootie toys while still watching “Kung Fu Panda.”

After leaving the hospital Jacob & I decided to get something to eat, by the time we’d ordered our food at the Carl’s Jr. drive-thru he was starting to feel queasy. He never ate his chicken stars. Once we reached Grandma’s house to pick-up Isaac and Elizabeth, he was full-on nauseated. We stayed at Grandma’s a bit to break up the drive-time. He was feeling pretty rough. He held his little barf bucket the whole drive home, but never needed to use it. He actually slept for some of the drive, holding the bucket to his face all the while. Poor little guy.

At bedtime he felt like he had a slight fever but it was right after he’d taken a hot shower (his nightly routine these last few months—the shower, not the slight fever). Scott and I figured that we’d wait a while to see if it was really a fever. At midnight Jacob woke up screaming and hot. He did indeed have a fever and we needed to take him into the ER. I remember Scott calling the on-call oncologist and saying, “Could we maybe wait until morning?” Nope. Off to the ER at 1 AM; always better safe than sorry. We decided it would be best if Scott just stayed home with our other sleeping children and I took Jacob to the ER.

The car ride to the Emergency Room at our local hospital was surreal. There was not another car on the road (it was 1:30 in the morning) and Jacob was completely pleasant. He was chattering away about his favorite scenes from “King Fu Panda”—not generally how I picture one driving their child to the ER. He was quite content even when we got to the hospital, until they accessed his port, that is.

Being poked with a needle is always awful. It’s worse at 2 am when you’ve been previously poked that day.

It all went downhill after that.

The nursing staff and the doctors were very kind and helpful—we may have been the only patient there at that time of night (morning). But Jacob was miserable. When we tried to give him Tylenol for the fever he gagged on it and threw up all over himself and me. Thankfully, the aforementioned kind nursing staff found me a spare pair of scrubs to wear. Jacob was fine discarding his shirt and just wearing jammie pants—it was mostly me that was hit anyway. But he just felt rotten. His little tired eyes were all blood-shot as he stared at the TV watching the completely ridiculous cartoons they play at three in the morning.

The good news was he likely just had some viral bug and after the precautionary antibiotic we could go home. We wouldn’t need to to up to Primary Children’s that night—what a relief! Somewhere between 4 and 5 am we got home and went back to bed.

It was a long night but I am extremely grateful for the wonderful, sweet friend and neighbor who came over to watch my kids later that day so I could sleep some more. And a thoughtful husband who set that up. Thank you everyone, we so appreciate our incredible support system.

Hair is Overrated

I mentioned in the post about Isaac shaving his head that there have been many others who’ve done the same to support Jacob. There are the ‘Uncles of Awesomeness’…

…including Uncle Ryan and the coolest cousin a kid could ever ask for. Parker is Jacob’s cousin and they’ve been buddies since they were babies—they’re just a few months apart. Parker shaved his head just after Thanksgiving. His younger brother, Garrett, also shaved his head but I don’t have a picture of him yet.

I want to post pictures of several of Scott’s students who shaved their heads for Jacob too:

And even this cute girl, who shaved off part of her hair!

Aren’t these guys amazing? I’m so impressed with all of them! Scott made a “Team Jacob” wall in his classroom for everyone’s pictures to proudly be displayed:

Every time Scott would come home with a new picture of a bald-headed boy I would think, “I hope their mothers were OK with this!” I could just see some wonderful, well-meaning teenager showing up to the family-Christmas-card-photo-shoot with no hair and a less-than-impressed mother. I apologize if that was ever the case, it was for a good cause.

Also on the list of Jacob’s bald-headed supporters are our ‘Hair-less Home Teachers’!

These are two good friends and neighbors from our church that visit us every month to check up on us and teach us a lesson. Their names are Justin Olsen and Blake Merrell. In November they routinely asked, “Is there anything we can do for you?”

Little did they know what we might ask them to do! Scott prompted Jacob to tell them that they could shave their heads for him if they wanted to. I think that they were a little shocked at first but both decided to do it. Blake even asked if Jacob would want to do the honors…

You guys are great sports, thank you!

I’m sure that I’ve forgotten someone and there are loads of people who love and support Jacob who haven’t shaved their heads (myself included)—and we’re just grateful to everyone for everything you do! Thank you all! We love you!

No “Buddy” Like a Brother

 

Sunday night, December 11th, Isaac and Jacob were getting out of the shower and getting ready for bed. Isaac came to me and whispered in my ear, “I don’t want to have hair-cuts anymore, I want to be like Jacob.” Meaning that he wanted to shave his head. I was excited, but I also didn’t know how serious he was. It’s no small thing to shave your head and even my four-year-old knows it.

I asked Isaac when he wanted to shave his head and he said, “Tuesday.” Ok, we’d wait until Tuesday and see what he thought about it then. But then, without me prompting him, he told Scott and Jacob the same thing—that he wanted to shave his head on Tuesday.

Well, Jacob was just ecstatic, truly, he was so excited—and Isaac could see it. “We could do it right now if you wanted to!” someone said (either Scott or Jacob, I can’t remember who). I could see hesitancy in Isaac’s eyes, so in my motherly way, I tried to reassure him, “You can just wait until Tuesday if you’d like,” I said, all the while thinking he’d never go through with it.

“No, I want to do it right now,” Isaac confidently told me.

Alright then, let’s go get the clippers (these have had a lot of use lately!) And off we went to shave the head of the final boy in our house.

 

Seriously, check out that smile. Jacob was SO excited. I remember him jumping up and down as Isaac’s hair fell to the floor. It was a very happy moment. Scott and I went to bed very proud parents that night.

I attribute Isaac’s decision to two main things. The first is the many other people who have shaved their heads for Jacob. The second is Jacob & Isaac’s friendship—it has really deepened over the last month because they spend a lot of time playing together. We really haven’t had many friends over, Jacob’s not going to school right now, we have limited contact with other people, so the boys just have each other and, for now, it’s awesome. I feel like it’s my job as their mom to really preserve this friendship over the next several years. It’s a special thing for them to have this time together right now and I am so grateful that they have each other.