Tuna Fish for Breakfast

This morning I asked Jacob what he wanted for breakfast.

"Tuna fish sandwich."

True story.

It was about 7:45 am and his brother and sister were still sleeping. I was in the bathroom doing my hair when he came in to tell me he was hungry. I lead him downstairs to make said sandwich when I discovered that he had already been downstairs and had already eaten two pieces of bread. Apparently he only came to get me when he couldn't make the tuna himself.

He followed his two slices of bread and full tuna sandwich with a bowl of Chex cereal, part of my breakfast skillet and an avocado. An hour later he had two bowls of fish crackers.

Keep in mind this boy has never been a big eater. Ever. I would even hesitate to call him an "eater," let alone a big eater. In the past meals have always involved bribery and sometimes outright force feedings.

But put a kid on steroids and--oh boy, look out! Seriously, I never thought I would see my Jacob eat like this. I did not know that steroids made people so hungry. Thursday evening he had two bowls of spaghetti and 3 pieces of lasagna. Three, people, three adult-size-servings of lasagna. The next morning he told me that he was thinking about Grandma's lasagna during the night.

Take a guess how many pancakes he ate Saturday morning for breakfast. Go ahead, guess...

Eight.

Scott typically eats four. Just to give you some idea of the size of these pancakes.

(Scott knows I'm blogging about this right now and he just said, "have you used the word 'ravenous' yet?")

This is just unbelievable. But we know it won't last. He'll only be on the steroid through the end of the month. (Dexamethasone is the name of the steroid, in case you're wondering--a few people have asked). But for now it's nice to see him eating so well, it makes me feel like he's not a sick, weak little boy. It does a mother's heart good to see her boy eat an entire box of gold-fish crackers in a day.

The steroid has other effects too. Heard of "roid rage" before? I hadn't until now. Major mood swings is what it amounts to. This is much more difficult to watch than the insatiable appetite. He just gets so mad sometimes. I try to just hold him and let him cry or whatever. And I remind myself it's not him, it's the drugs. But it's still hard. Sometimes I just have to walk away and bite my tongue. Normally this sort of behavior lands him in time-out. I've been advised that it will pass, and not to worry about it long-term.

This morning he also had a pretty bad headache. Resting and watching "Jake and the Never-land Pirates" seemed to help (thanks, Sandy for the DVD!) I also gave him some pain meds. He's had a bit of nausea too (when he's not incredibly hungry) and Saturday he did throw-up. Also very hard to watch. He'd just had a dose of chemo on Friday, so it wasn't unexpected but that doesn't really make it any easier.

Overall, it still feels like a roller-coaster. A great big one, with high highs and some really low lows. The kind of lows that make you ache. But I was telling some friends today that there is a new and refreshing sense of simplicity to my life now. I don't care about anything else except my family. My whole life is my kids, my husband and taking care of them. And hanging on to God. Nothing else matters right now and there is something really sweet about that.

Thank you again for your love and prayers. They mean more to me than I can say.